


Misunderstandings

by HermaeusMora



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Crack, M/M, Minor canon-typical angst and some fluff, Please do not take it seriously, Slight OOC that comes with crack, seriously this fic is ridiculous
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-10
Updated: 2019-04-10
Packaged: 2020-01-10 19:47:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,763
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18414659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HermaeusMora/pseuds/HermaeusMora
Summary: "Martin! Blackwood. Was desperately obsessed with Jon, now he just creeps around being mysterious with Peter Lukas?"Helen's eyes widen, and she nods with solemn understanding. "So Martin broke up with the Archivist... for Lukas..."(Helen thinks Martin is dating Peter. She tells Jon. Jon is concerned. Misunderstandings abound. This fic is absurd and 100% intended to be.)





	Misunderstandings

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a very fun conversation with my wonderful friend [RavenXavier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ravenxavier). ([somuchbetterthanthat](https://somuchbetterthanthat.tumblr.com/) on tumblr. Go talk to her about TMA!)

 

Jon is at his desk, flipping through a stack of old statements for- well, anything, really - when he notices Daisy hovering hesitantly near the open door of his office.

"You can come in, Daisy," he calls out, without looking up.

She does, wandering slowly over to his desk, half-sitting on it and looking down at the statements without much interest.

Jon glances at her. "Is Basira... busy? Again?"

"Yeah."

"Right... Well, I'm not doing much. Stay as long as you want."

A few long moments of silence pass, and Daisy clears her throat to speak. "So... Blackwood. Martin. I haven't seen him around. Is he...?"

Jon had flinched at the name, and realized a few seconds later that he was holding his breath. He lets it out, slowly, measured. "...Busy."

He can feel Daisy's eyes on him. He doesn't want to see the look on her face, undoubtedly out of place on a woman who had fully intended to murder him not even a year ago. After a beat, however, she reaches out and squeezes his shoulder for the briefest second.

Jon laughs, resigned and humorless. "Funny, isn't it? How you think that- that loving someone, that them loving you- will be enough to-" He breaks off, rubbing at his temples, uncertain how to continue.

* * *

Just outside the office, Melanie stares at Helen, disbelief on her face. She whispers to her, " _Love? So Jon and Martin really were...?_ "

Helen shrugs, whispering back, " _I'm new here. Which one is Martin, again?_ "

" _Martin! Blackwood. Was desperately obsessed with Jon, now he just creeps around being mysterious with Peter Lukas?_ "

Helen's eyes widen, and she nods with solemn understanding. " _So Martin broke up with the Archivist... for Lukas..._ "

Melanie looks horrified. " _Gross! Maybe? Oh god, maybe...?_ "

From inside the office, Jon calls out, sharp and terse: "Do you two _mind?_ "

Melanie claps a hand over her mouth, but Helen answers, "Sorry, Archivist."

* * *

Later that night, Jon has just finished what he's decided will be his final recording for the day. He straightens up with a groan, stretching and rubbing at his eyes. It's been a long day. He turns to reach for the glass of water he'd sat off to the side and freezes when he sees the door. The door that should very much not be there.

"Helen..?"

The door creaks open slowly and Helen peeks out.

"Hello, Helen. Can I... help you?"

She steps fully into his office, shutting the door quietly behind her and approaching him with what he guesses is meant to be a somber expression.

Jon feels himself tensing, his pulse picking up; something's wrong. "Um...?"

She reaches the edge of his desk and stands there for a moment, looking down at him. He flinches when she reaches out and lays a sharp hand gingerly over his own.

"I'm sorry about your boyfriend, Archivist."

Jon blinks. That's- the last thing he was expecting to hear. "My...? What? I don't have a- _what?_ You're going to have to start over, Helen."

She keeps her hand over his, expression very deliberately sympathetic, with a touch of sad.

"Melanie told me. About Martin Blackwood, how he left you for the Lonely sea captain. I am truly sorry. I understand it must be difficult, seeing your lover with someone else. Since we're trying to be friends, I've come to offer my condolences."

Jon's mouth falls open for a long, baffled moment before he finally manages to stammer out, "H-Helen! Helen- what? Martin?! Martin and I weren't- wait, so you're telling me that Martin and _Peter Lukas_ are- Helen!"

The door - the one that was never supposed to be there - closes with a soft click.

Jon sits alone in his office, staring at the now blank wall. "What the hell?.." He shakes his head, snapping himself out of it. Right. So whatever that was about, it's not the weirdest thing that's happened all week. Probably won't even be the weirdest thing to happen for the rest of the night. And he definitely does not have the time or energy for it. He shoves himself up from his seat and shoves the - whatever that just was - out of his mind. He's going to bed. And probably having a talk with Melanie tomorrow.

* * *

It turns out that Jon didn't sleep at all last night, and not for the usual cosmic horror nightmare reasons. Despite his very best efforts, he absolutely could not get the thought of Martin and Peter Lukas out of his head. It's not any of his business, of course. But... then again, isn't it?

Whatever Martin is doing with Peter - he cringes at the totally new implications of that phrase - doesn't it affect him? Doesn't it affect the whole institute?

Plus, he cares about Martin. For all of Jon's mistakes and how utterly shit he's been at showing it, Martin is important to him. And Jon, well, isn't exactly an expert on romantic matters by any means, but he cannot imagine that being a healthy relationship.

So that's how, around noon the next day, he finds himself frustratedly pushing aside the statement he'd been working through and striding off through the archives to where he Knows he'll find Martin right now.

Which happens to be one of the empty offices, probably belonging to a member of the staff that Peter had... found uncooperative. Martin is hunched over, his back to the door, rifling through a filing cabinet.

"Martin."

Martin slams the drawer shut and whirls around, not bothering to mask the irritation on his face. " _Jon,_ " he bites out, "I've told you to stop-"

"Please tell me you're not dating Peter Lukas."

Martin stops short, that phrase clearly not being the one he was anticipating. At all. "I- What?"

Jon takes a deep breath, and continues, earnestly, "Look, I. I know you can't tell me anything about whatever you’re working on with him, and that's fine, and I won't ask, but. _Please, Martin_ , you cannot be in a relationship with Peter Lukas. Please tell me Helen wasn't right. I can't- you can't- he's not-"

" _What?!_ " Martin is looking at him like he's suddenly sprouted extra eyes, and well, Jon doesn't think he has. Might have to check on that later. "Jon, wh- what the hell are you talking about? Peter and I are- and wait, who's _Helen?!_ "

"Oh, oh Helen is, uh. She's a friend." Jon turns a bit pink, remembering with some shame how he'd literally just coldly called her an _it_ a matter of days ago. But they talked it out, right? They're fine now.

Martin looks skeptical. "You don't _have_ friends, Jon."

He flinches. Ouch. But he presses on: "Martin, look. I'm sorry, I don't mean to pry-" Martin snorts at that. "-But I'm worried. I care about you. And what am I supposed to think? I- I come back from the _dead_ and you won't even speak to me, you, you just spend all your time with this Peter Lukas and-"

"Oh my god," Martin groans, looking up at the ceiling in exasperation. "No! No, Christ, Peter and I are absolutely not- and, and what about you? That's rich of you, getting in my business when you've just gone out and got some girlfriend!" He crosses his arms over his chest, eyebrow raised, waiting. Looking just a bit petulant.

Jon's face flushes more. "What? Helen? I told you Helen is a friend!"

"Right, yeah, like _Georgie_ was your friend?" Martin rolls his eyes.

"Georgie was my friend!"

"We have very different definitions of ‘friend’," Martin scoffs.

This is ridiculous. Jon is losing the battle, and fast. He throws his hands up. "Fine, whatever, just... please be careful?" He sees Martin open his mouth to speak and cuts him off. "I know, I know you say nothing's going on, but I, uh." He feels his hands begin to sweat, and he suddenly finds the floor extremely interesting.

"Gerry told me. About the Lukases, about how they. Get new avatars. That they really quite like to uh." He clears his throat. "They get around."

Now is Martin's turn to turn red. " _Ohhh my god_ . Oh my god. This is insane. This is actually insane. First, even if Peter and I were fu- if we _were_ , it's none of your business!" He exhales harshly, a hysterical laugh bubbling in his throat. "And second! Second of all, _who is Gerry?!_ "

* * *

Meanwhile, unknown to them, Basira and Daisy were passing by when they heard the shouting match and are now standing just outside the doorway.

"What. The. Hell...?" Daisy looks at Basira, equal parts baffled and concerned.

Basira sighs in annoyance. "Dunno. At least they're talking though. That's the most Martin's said to anyone in months."

Inside the office, behind a large shelf, a door has appeared. It's opened just a crack, and Melanie and Helen are pressed up against it, listening.

Helen whispers, "Do you think we should stop them?"

Melanie, however, is trying her best to bite back a laugh. "Nooo, no, I think this is good for them. Let them work it out."

* * *

"-- I just think it's hilarious, Jon. It's hilarious that you have the nerve to track me down and get on my case about my love life - _which doesn't exist, by the way_ , since I sort of have bigger things to worry about - while you're apparently out there trying it on with whoever comes along." He turns away, leans his forehead against the filing cabinet, laughing bitterly. "Must be nice, being the Archivist. Having all that leisure."

Jon steps inside and shuts the door. He walks slowly across the room, reaching out. "Martin-"

Martin whirls around, wiping at his eyes. "Don't touch me, god. Why are you so- why do you _always_ \- What even was this, really? Was it some twisted, _absurd_ ploy? To, to get me to tell you what Peter and I are doing? Because that's low, Jon. And _stupid_ ." Jon starts to speak, and Martin cuts him off, shoving past him. "I don't want to hear it! Go tell it to _Gerry_ , or whoever."

"Oh for f- Gerry's dead!"

Martin pauses, looking over his shoulder, shame creeping onto his face. "Oh. Oh, uh. I'm sorry."

"...And a book. Or. He was. Until I burned him."

"...Right."

From behind the bookshelf, Melanie's voice pipes up: "Yikes."

Both Jon and Martin startle and turn towards the sound.

Jon groans when he sees the shape of the door sticking out from around the edges of the shelf.

"Hello Helen, Melanie."

Helen's voice calls out, "Hi, Archivist."

Martin looks at him sharply, then back at the door, then back at Jon. " _Helen? She's a_ \-  No, never mind. I'm out of here." He turns back towards the door, jerking it open only to see Basira and Daisy crouched outside it.

" _Fuck's sake_ . Excuse me." He edges his way around the ladies and turns back to Jon. "Do _not_ do this again."

He storms off, and Jon sinks down onto the floor, head in his hands. After a beat, when he doesn't hear anything else, he calls out, muffled, "Could everyone please leave?"

There's the sound of soft hurrying footsteps and a door shutting. Jon looks up and shouts vaguely in the direction of the ceiling, "You too, Elias! I know you're out there watching!"

Far away, on a small cot in a prison cell, Elias smiles smugly. He doesn't stop watching.

* * *

It's been a solid week, and Martin has barely gotten two days' worth of work done. He's a mess, this whole thing is a mess. His... interaction... with Jon set him way back and he knows he should care way more about that than he does, but honestly? Frustratingly, maddeningly, _heartbreakingly_ , all he can think about is Jon's love life. Because he's just that pathetic, he supposes.

So that's how he finds himself sitting behind an ever-growing stack of statements, research, and admin, pouring his heart out to the little tape recorder that had sprouted on his desk that morning.

"-It just _hurts_ , you know?" he says, fidgeting with a pen. "It hurts after all those years that I was there for him. I was right there, right? And I mean, I know he doesn't owe me anything, oh god, of course not. But it just- I feel so foolish."

He tosses the pen down on the desk and immediately picks up another one, twisting the cap between his fingers.

"All that time I kept telling myself that he, he just doesn't- he _doesn't_ , you know? He's not interested in that sort of thing. That it wasn't me." Martin laughs and it's bitter and broken. "But then as soon as my back is turned, well. I guess it was just me, after all."

He exhales shakily. “I know. I know that’s not fair. He was my boss, and I never actually… well, _asked_ , or anything, and. Things were different then. Apparently. I’m really just angry at myself, if I’m being honest.”

"I wonder who else?... No, no, nope, not going there, you're right. There is nothing down that road but pain." He glances at the tape recorder, chewing the pen cap thoughtfully. "But... he's seemed awfully cozy with Daisy since she got back... and Melanie, come to think of it, since the whole, you know, impromptu surgery thing."

"I wonder if he and Elias ever- oh, oh Christ, no, why did you let me go there?" Martin grimaces in disgust and shoves his chair back from the desk. He glares at the tape recorder. "I'm going for a walk. You're no help at all."

Just then, a heavy, cold hand settles on his shoulder, and he flinches hard and yelps.

"P-Peter! Jesus, give me a warning next time." Martin looks intently down at his lap, nervous.

Peter Lukas leans over him, both hands settling and rubbing gently at his shoulders. "Martin, Martin, Martin. My dear Martin. You seem troubled?"

Martin shrugs out of his grip, pulling his chair back up. For the human embodiment of isolation, Peter really could stand to learn about personal space. "You _know_ I am. How long have you been here?"

Peter perches on the edge of the desk, studying the clock on the wall, pretending to think. "Ohhh about an hour?"

"Great." Martin picks up a stack of files and begins flipping through them distractedly. “Don’t know why you have to be such a creep.”

Peter cheerfully ignores his remark and hops back to his feet, and begins slowly pacing the room. "So..." he begins, sounding thoughtful. "Your Archivist."

Martin stiffens, but continues trying to concentrate on the papers in front of him. "Mhmm. What about him?"

"I didn't expect him to be one to take lovers," Peter says, glancing at Martin, chin in his hand. "And so many! I'm impressed! He'd make an excellent Lukas..."

"Can I _help you_ , Peter?" Martin grits out, setting the files down on the desk with some force.

“Why so angry, Martin? You know I’m only here because I’m concerned.” Peter does in fact put on a very good imitation of a concerned expression.

“I’ve been hearing that a lot lately, and it’s getting pretty old,” Martin mutters.

Suddenly, Peter is behind him again, and a chill creeps down his spine. “Martin,” he murmurs, soft and soothing, hands now settling on the back of Martin’s chair, “We’ve been over this countless times. Every time you talk to him, especially when you let yourself get into these heated discussions, it sets back your progress. And setting back _your_ progress sets back, well. Everything.”

He staggers back as Martin abruptly pushes his seat back again, standing up. “Peter, we are not having this conversation again. Not right now.” He gathers his coat and makes for the door. “I’m tired, I hate myself, the man I love, _yes, love,_ is dating a Spiral monster and a- a book person, or something- and I know, _I know, god,_ but I just. Cannot do this right now.”

Martin opens the door, and then turns back. “Do _not_ whoosh after me.” The walls rattle when he slams the door on his way out.

* * *

He doesn’t even know where he’s going, until suddenly he’s standing right outside Jon’s office. _Shit._ He wavers, makes sure he’s still Lonely, still hidden, just in case. Inside the room, he can hear Jon’s voice; can’t quite make out what he’s saying, but it’s his statement voice, and so familiar that it makes Martin’s heart ache at the memory of hovering outside this door countless times with a waiting cup of tea.

He doesn’t- he can’t- he sighs. He knows he can’t be here. He doesn’t have a clue what he’d intended to do, to say- what _can_ he do or say? What does he even _want_ to- He stops himself there. He knows exactly what he wants, and even if it wasn’t totally absurd and impossible, he just can’t. Not with the way things are. Not with Peter and-

Next thing he knows, Martin’s hand is on the doorknob, is turning the knob, is pushing open the office door.

Next thing he knows, he’s standing in the open doorway, staring wide-eyed at Jon staring wide-eyed at him.

Jon sits back, setting down the statement he’d been reading. “Martin…”

Ah. Looks like he didn’t hide himself all that well after all. What a shame. Martin swallows once, twice, “Jon.”

Jon starts to stand, but then looks like he thinks better of it because he sits back down, slowly, never taking his eyes off of Martin. Like Martin’s a wild animal. Or a ghost.

Not too far off on the latter, Martin thinks, smiling ruefully.

“Martin, I- Hey. What can I do? I mean, do you need… something?” Jon looks so… eager, hopeful, disbelieving, that Martin’s pretty sure his heart actually shatters inside his chest.

He knows what he should say. _Nothing._ Martin knows damn well he should say exactly nothing and turn and walk away and be done with this for good this time. He knows that.

But instead, he takes a step into the room and opens his mouth and says, “Go out with me?”

He sees Jon’s eyes go even wider before he quite realizes what he’s said, himself. Jon’s mouth opens, closes, stammers out, “Wh- Martin, what are you- What? _What?_ ”

Martin really should turn around and leave. But no. Damn it, no. Now that the words are out, he knows that whatever the outcome, he couldn’t possibly have done anything else.

He straightens up, looking Jon in the eyes. Speaks up clearly, with resolve, his voice barely even shaking. “Do you want to go out with me, sometime? For coffee or something? I know you’re, you’re dating Helen, and that dead book guy, and god knows who else, but would you be open to one more? Will you go on a date with me?”

Jon’s face goes pale, then a bit red, and now he really is looking at Martin like he’s a ghost. He stands up slowly, cautiously, and steps out from around his desk.

“Martin, I…” He shakes his head, looking utterly shocked and a little lost. He looks down at the floor for a long moment, and Martin holds his breath, and hardly dares to believe it when Jon glances back up with a soft, hesitant smile on his face. “Yes.”

Martin takes another step forward. “...Yes?”

Jon actually laughs. He rubs a hand over his face, still smiling. “Yes, Martin. God, I… I never thought- but yes, actually, now that you mention it. Yes.”

Martin isn’t sure which of them started moving first, but next thing he knows they’re colliding, limbs tangled, nearly tripping as they embrace one another desperately. It’s awkward, and it kind of hurts, but Jon’s arms are tight around him and his face is buried in Martin’s shoulder, his hair tickling Martin’s cheek, and Martin has his hands sliding around to Jon’s warm back, and he’s never been this close to him or ever dreamed that he’d get to be this close and _oh god_ _he’s missed him so much_ -

Jon is saying something, muffled against his sweater. “What’s that, Jon?”

“I said,” and Martin swears the man sounds _giddy_ , “I’m honestly, truly not dating Helen. Or Gerry. Especially Gerry. That would be- just, no, as things are. I’m not. Besides, Helen is with Melanie.”

Martin pulls back enough to look at his face. “Really?” he asks sheepishly.

And Jon laughs that wonderful laugh again and Martin can’t believe he’s been lucky enough to hear it twice now. “Really. I’m not dating _anyone_. Well, I am now, I suppose.”

Martin beams, and he’s not crying, he’s _not crying, damn it,_ and he leans in slowly, and Jon doesn’t quite lean in but he doesn’t move away, and now they’re _kissing_ , and it’s- it’s kind of awful, technically, but it’s the best thing Martin has ever experienced in his life. He tightens his arms around Jon’s waist, pulling him closer, and-

-And a very pointed cough from across the room kills the moment. They break apart immediately, taking several stumbling steps back, looking towards the sound.

Daisy is standing in the corner of the office, arms crossed, leaning against the wall and looking deeply uncomfortable.

She glares at them both. “I’m glad you guys have worked things out, but I’m _right here._ I’m not a lamp.”

Jon and Martin at least have the decency to look embarrassed, in varying degrees.  

“Sorry about that, Daisy,” Jon says, staring at the floor and wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “We, ah. Got a bit caught up.”

“I saw.”

Martin regards her warily and then gives her an awkward little wave, unable to quite meet her eyes, and then turns to Jon. “So, um. I’ll be back later? For coffee? Or?”

“Right, yes. Coffee would be nice.” Jon’s smile falters a second later, however, and he asks, unsure, “...What about… Peter? I mean, I know you’re not supposed to be, uh-” He waves his hand vaguely between the two of them. “-Anything.”

 _Oh right._ Martin frowns, thinking. But he already knows; there’s no going back after this. There’s no way in hell that he would even if he could. So he reaches out and takes Jon’s hand. He can’t hold back his smile as he realizes that it’s completely true when he says, “We’ll figure it out.”

The sound of polite applause and a hurried _shhhh_ can be heard from behind a door that is very much not supposed to be there.


End file.
